


Sex Sent Me To The ER

by The_lazy_eye



Category: IT (2017), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Accidental Orgasm, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Fluff and Smut, M/M, PWP, Richie gets a vibrator stuck up his ass, Vibrators, hospital au, implied masterbation, kind of, meet cute, what are tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-03-10
Packaged: 2019-10-21 07:26:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17638394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_lazy_eye/pseuds/The_lazy_eye
Summary: Eddie knocked gently on the metal frame of the entryway before gently pulling back the curtain. “Hello, Richard? My name is Dr. Kaspbrak. I’ll be helping you out this evening.”“What’s up, doc?” Richard says through a toothy grin, “Are you here to relieve my anal woes?”Eddie stops about halfway in the room and looks up from his clipboard. “I’m sorry?”“My anal woes, get it? You know? Because I have a vibrator stuck up my ass?”-----------THIS FIC IS COMPLETE. Archive just won't let me mark is as complete for whatever reason.





	1. Chapter 1

Eddie doesn’t know what he did in a past life to be stuck in the situation he was in, but it sure must have been something bad. Or at least mildly unethical. The floor around him was buzzing with activity. A fender bender here, a stomach pump there, all minor things really but it was just enough to make Eddie grind his teeth as he did his rounds. To top things off, Brenda was one of the nurses on duty tonight. Eddie doesn’t pride himself in being a negative person, but he can’t seem to shake how he feels about her. Everything she does grates on his nerves and tonight is no exception.

“Ed. The patient in 302 is calling for more meds. You planning on checking on her?”

Eddies clipboard hit the countertop a little too hard as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath in through his nose. Jesus fuck she gets under his skin.

“Yes, Brenda. And please, _for once_ , call me Dr. Kaspbrak,” he manages through clenched teeth. When he opens his eyes, he can see her smirking from her seat. He doesn’t dignify her with any other response, instead moving down the hall toward 302.

It wasn’t the worst night in the world. In fact, it could be a hell of a lot worse. Eddie has seen nights where the universe is far less forgiving than a broken arm. His patient groans as he adjusts the IV and asks routine questions. She’s alert, which is good. She’s lucky that she walked away with only a broken arm and not something far worse. He talks idly with her as he works, checking in on her emotions and asking who’s coming to pick her up in the morning. She’s sweet. It’s a shame what happened, really, and Eddie tells her as much. They bond briefly over the pains of broken bones, Eddie sharing a personal experience of his from childhood, and he wishes her well before he steps out again.  

He’s always prided himself in the connections he’s able to make with his patients. He’s seen doctors so cold, so detached and it makes him sick. He didn’t get into this field to treat people like medical dolls. He’s here to help people. He’s here to save lives. And Eddie firmly believes he can’t do that without some kind of personal connection to the people he’s working with.  

Like Mr. Thomas down in room 315. He’s sweet. He came in for stitches, having fallen during a night out in the city with friends. He was a little drunk and Eddie knew that other doctors would write him off as a problem patient. Eddie didn’t, though. He treated him like any other patient and Mr. Thomas had responded with nothing but drunk compliments and compliance. Eddie ran through his discharge paperwork quickly, giving his friends details on how to clean the stitches and what to do when the wound healed over. He got hugs from all of them as they left and Eddie could feel himself really sinking into his work.

Despite Mr. Thomas, Eddie still had to deal with the politics of the hospital. Inside of room 315 he could be Eddie, doctor and helper. But outside? He had to be Dr. Kaspbrak, hard-ass and professional. He could see Brenda sneering at him as he walked down the hall, ready to undermine him for any little thing she could think of. He geared himself for her attack as he approached her.

“You have a new patient in 307. Better go check him out.”

At least it wasn’t the bitter, annoyed words he usually had slung at him.

Eddie knocked gently on the metal frame of the entryway of 307 before gently pulling back the curtain. “Hello, Richard? My name is Dr. Kaspbrak. I’ll be helping you out this evening.”

“What’s up, doc?” Richard says through a toothy grin, “Are you here to relieve my anal woes?”

Eddie stops about halfway in the room and looks up from his clipboard. “I’m sorry?”

“My anal woes, get it? You know? Because I have a vibrator stuck up my ass?”

Eddie hesitates for a second before stepping fully into the room and closing the curtain. “Yes, I was informed about your, uh,” he trails of for a moment, trying to choose his words carefully, “situation.”

Richie laughs, all shaking shoulders wide smile. “You don’t have to dance around the subject, doc. It’s pretty cut and dry.”

“Right,” Eddie says, hanging his charts up next to the bed and moving around the room. “Why don’t you tell me happened, Richard?”

“Just Richie is fine,” he says as he adjusts his hospital blanket around his waist. “Well, I was home alone on this glorious Saturday night and I figured hey, I have the apartment to myself. Why not engage in a little solo Richie time?”

He waggles his eyebrows at Eddie in a ridiculous manner, winking once before continuing on. “So, you know. I get the lube out and the rubber gloves and I get to work. I spread myself out over my duvet, kinda like this,” and before Eddie knows it Richie has shifted under his blankets, straightening one long leg out and hooking an arm under the other one to bend it back into his chest.

Eddie lets out something similar to a squeak but Richie keeps talking. He just watches as he maneuvers, eyes glued to this lanky boy doing yoga in his hospital bed. “So, I’m all settled in and I start prepping. And I’m really getting into it, yeah? Like, _really_ getting –”

“Okay!” Eddie says, a little too loud but in his defense, there was probably no other way to interrupt Richie other than by matching the gusto with which he was talking. Richie stops and looks up at Eddie with full attention, like he was some school kid about to get his ten millionth detention. Eddie might have been able to feel bad about it if it weren’t for the crimson blush he could feel burning under the collar of his coat.  “We don’t need _that_ much detail, Richie. Why don’t you just tell me how it got stuck?”

“Oh, yeah!” Richie says and bounces back into his animated state. He lowers his leg as he’s talking, shifting again in the bed. “So, I’m getting down and dirty, yeah? And it feels good. I’m talking _real_ good. So naturally I got kind of carried away.”

Eddie pauses for a second, gives Richie space to continue, but the room fall silent. This Richie is a real character. Eddie hasn’t seen someone so animated and full of gusto on his floor in a good couple of weeks, and even then, no one is quite like this patient. There’s something about Richie that both makes Eddie want to turn around and walk out of the room, of the floor, of the entire hospital, and then something that makes him want to stay. He almost doesn’t know how to handle it. It takes him another beat to skip back into conversation, shaking his head gently before asking, “Carried away how?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know, Doctor Hottie?” Richie says, voice low and eyes gently raking over Eddie’s form. It’s not enough to make Eddie feel uncomfortable but it is enough to let him know Richie is looking him over, really taking him in. It makes him want to squirm under the gaze. When Eddie doesn’t reply right away, Richie’s next statement is very matter of fact. “I slipped it in a bit too far and now it won’t come out, really killed the mood. I mean, it was great for a second because it’s jammed against my prostate but trust me, it ain’t so fun after you shoot your load, if you know what I mean.”

“I understand,” Eddie says, trying to remain professional. It’s more difficult than he expected and he can feel the edges of a smile creeping onto his face. This only seems to spur Richie on even more.

“Are you gonna help me, doc? I’m just so pent up, I think I might _explode.”_

Richie waggles his eyebrows and Eddie can’t really find the correct words to reply with. Eddie isn’t used to patients having much of an effect on him, but Richie seems to be catching him off guard more than he’s used to. It doesn’t help that Richie is so blasé about the whole thing. Like, really. Come on. Usually Eddie at least has the upper hand in the maturity department.

But to make matters worse, to really put the icing on the shit-cake, Richie is _attractive_. He’s got curly waves of back hair framing his face and bright blue eyes that probably hold a million ridiculous stories just like this one. He thinks maybe he could get lost in those eyes if he let himself. He can’t, though. Ethics and power dynamics and on the clock and blah, blah, whatever.

Reminding himself of the ethical code makes it easy to detach from the situation. He has had hundreds of attractive clients, this one is no different.

Eddie coughs twice in a feeble attempt to cover up his apparently awkwardness and manages to flip his switch from flustered human being to Doctor Kaspbrak. “On a scale from one to ten, tell me how much discomfort you’re having right now.”

“I think maybe a six?”

“A six isn’t too bad. We can work with a six,” Eddie reassures. “Now, let’s take a look, shall we?”

“Uh,” Richie’s voice cracks and Eddie watches as Richie falters for the first time since he entered the room. He shifts again and Eddie can swear he sees a faint blush creeping up Richie’s neck. “Sure, yeah. I know you’re probably dying to get all up in this ass.”

Eddie smirks at the way Richie fumbles with his words. It gets worse as Eddie washes his hands, slowly and deliberately, and then snaps on a pair of rubber gloves. “Alright, I’m gonna need you to put your feet in these stirrups for me. Is that okay?”

Richie nods and moves his feet to the stirrups. He keeps his gown tucked between his legs as Eddie moves about the room, getting a bottle of vaseline and a pair of forceps to put on the table. This is the part Eddie can handle. Its clinical work. He’s seen more body parts than he can even remember. Richie’s brash personality may have caught him off guard but Eddie knows that Richie’s got the same anatomy he’s been dealing with for his entire career. There are no surprises under this belt. Well, sans the vibrtor.

He moves closer to the bed and removes the stethoscope from around his neck. “I’m just gonna give your heart and lungs a quick listen.”

Richie doesn’t say anything back, so Eddie takes this as a window of opportunity to move in and start his brief examination. He motions for Richie to sit up straight, which he does, and then presses the base of the stethoscope to his chest. “Okay, now breath – wait,” Eddie quickly removes the stethoscope and steps back for a moment. “That’s weird. It almost sounds like your heart is buzzing.”

Richie makes a noise similar to a squeak before shooting a bashful smile up at Eddie. “Oh, did I not tell you? It’s maybe, kind of, sort of, a little bit still on.”

Eddie finds himself speechless for the second time in ten minutes as he looks into Richie’s eyes. Okay. Yeah. That’s fine. The toy was still on. He was suddenly able to realize why Richie was acting so strange. All the shifting, the crack in his voice. God, he must be so uncomfortable.

“Well,” Eddie manages, “let’s get this process moving then.”

Eddie listens to Richie’s heart and lungs, professionally ignoring the buzzing sound that rings through his stethoscope.

“You sound almost normal,” he teases, motioning for RIchie to lay back again and rolling a chair over to sit between his legs. “Are you ready?”

Richie nods again, having gone uncharacteristically quiet. He watches intently as Eddie lubricates the forceps, eyes growing just a hair wider when Eddie grabs the hospital gown and moves it aside.

“I’m sorry!” Richie blurts out as soon as the gown is moved. Eddie almost asks him what’s wrong but he figures it out quickly enough. It isn’t hard to miss the way Richie is hard against his own stomach, tip slightly red and small beads of precum leaking out of the tip.

Eddie chuckles gently before reassuring him. “This is a perfectly normal bodily reaction, Richie. You have a sex toy designed for pleasure inside of you right now. There is nothing weird about having an erection because of it.”

Richie doesn’t respond so Eddie settles back into the task at hand. And there it is. Well, Eddie can’t see the vibrator, but he can see how Richie is slightly open. “I’m going to insert my fingers a little bit to see how deep the vibrator is,” Eddie says. Richie makes a noise of confirmation and Eddie presses one gloved finger gently into Richie’s hole. Eddie can feel the way Richie tenses under him, he can hear the increase in breath.

Eddie’s pressed in to the second knuckle when he finally feels the hard plastic. Now that he can feel it, he can really feel how it’s going full throttle, likely turned up to one of the higher settings. Part of him feels bad for Richie but another part of him feels distinctly warm. He tries not to think about it as he presses in a second finger alongside the first one and scissors, stretching out the already loosened entrance to try and get a grip on the toy. All he succeeds in doing is bumping the toy, pressing it slightly further in and causing Richie to make a muffled noise above him.

Eddie would be lying to himself and the holy spirit if he said he wasn’t at least a little bit affected. He couldn’t help it, though! Who’s dick wouldn’t twitch at something like that?

Eddie grabs the forceps and slides them in, keeping one finger inside of Richie. He spends maybe five minutes jostling the toy, bumping it, and attempting to get a grip. With every passing second Richie grows more and more restless above him.

“Uh,” Richie says, voice somewhere between a light moan and a urgent question. “I don’t think this is working.”

Eddie gently removes the forceps and his finger. “I think you’re right. We’re gonna have to put you under to remove the vibrator.

When Eddie stands and looks at Richie, he can see the way his entire face is flushed and the way his eyes are slightly unfocused. It’s infuriating attractive.

Now that the technical part of his job is over, Eddie finally has a second to really look at Richie. He takes in the frizzy hair and blue eyes again but this time he really lets himself look. Richie’s got his eyes closed as he takes deep, steadying breaths and Eddie watches the rise and fall of his chest. He’s got a white knuckles grip on the edge of the bed and Eddie knows that he’s probably fighting his body to stay calm, to come back down from the edge.

He takes in the way Richie’s legs are propped up on the bed and thinks about how he might look somewhere else, in a different bed, in a different room, with something else deep inside him. By the time Richie has calmed down and opened his eyes, Eddie has buttoned up his white coat to hide his own erection.

Fuck. Okay. No. This is not happening right now.

“I’m going to a run a quick blood test and we’re gonna get you X-Rayed to make sure you’re cleared for minor surgery.”

Richie complies and Eddie draws blood to send away to the labs before having a nurse wheel Richie off to the X-Ray station. They exchange a few more pleasantries, Eddie walking Richie through what’s going to happen before the nurse takes him away.

Eddie makes his way through the floor again while they wait for Richie’s X-rays and bloodwork to come back. He makes the necessary calls to get Richie set up for minor surgery and goes on with his rounds. Someone’s too drunk, someone cut their hand cooking, someone has chest pains. Eddie moves through all of them with ease. Stitches for you, Mrs. O’Neal! A comprehensive chest exam for you, Mr. Roberts! The further away he gets from Richie’s room, the more regulated he feels. His little problem has completely faded by the time he hit the second room. He might even push a little more work onto the nurses than usual, but he blames it on the insistent itching in his chest. That little nub of curiosity telling him that Richie should be back in his room by now. He wants to get there quickly, knowing how uncomfortable he must be. The faster Eddie can move through his usual work, the faster Richie will be able to go into minor surgery.

At least, that’s what he tells himself.

“What’cha thinkin’ about, Eddie?” Brenda says as she passes him by the nurse’s station. “You seem a little bit… _preoccupied._ Got anything to do with that _rock-solid_ cutie in 307?”

Eddie chooses not to dignify her with a response, but this seems to be the wrong choice because soon her cackle is ringing out across the floor and grinding on every last one of Eddie’s nerves.

As she walks away, Eddie takes one steadying breath in through his nose and releases it, turning back to the computer to check if Richie’s test results came back. As soon as Richie is cleared, Eddie is on his feet and knocking on the doorframe to Richie’s room. As soon as he hears a noise of confirmation, he’s through the curtain and into Richie’s room.

Richie looks worse for wear. His blush has crept up from his neck and is now covering his face. He’s got a thin sheen on sweat on his forehead and a glazed over look in his eyes. He looks exhausted and slightly out of breath as he looks up at Eddie with a pleading expression

“Oh hey, Dr. K.,” he says but the life in his voice is faded. “Are you an angel? Because I think you just fell from heaven.”

Despite the awful pick up line, Eddie finds himself chuckling slightly. “I think you might just be over tired from your situation.”

“What, me? No way. I’ve got the stamina of a horse. You should try me out sometime, take me for a ride,” Richie waggles his eyebrows and winks at Eddie and even through the exhaustion, Eddie can see that playful, ridiculous side seeping out.

“I don’t think that would be very appropriate of me,” Eddie responds and then they’re both laughing. Well, Eddie is laughing and Richie is letting out little puffs of air around a smile. It counts, though.

“Give it to me straight, Doc,” Richie says, changing the atmosphere from gentle tension to dramatic flair. He drapes an arm over his eyes and lets out a small, wanton moan for dramatic effect.

“Well, your bloodwork came back just fine and the X-Ray gives us a clear picture of what’s going on. We’re gonna put you under so we can extract the toy. It’s a simple procedure and it’ll be finishing within the hour.”

“So, I’m gonna live?” Richie asks, peeking out from behind his arm.

“Yes, Riche. You’re gonna make it,” Eddie says back, playing along.

Richie lowers his arm completely and lets out a sigh of relief. His eyes linger closed for a moment and Eddie watches as his face contorts into something between pain and discomfort. Eddie couldn’t imagine being in that spot. He doesn’t particularly have a kink for overstimulation and he imagines Richie doesn’t either but he quickly stops himself from thinking any further.

This is his patient, for fucks sake. There is no world in which it is appropriate for him to be thinking about Richie on his back, legs up in that position he had them in earlier, and with a lot less clothing.

No. Jesus fuck. What the hell is wrong with him?

Instead, he circles the bed and presses a comforting hand on Richie’s shoulder. Eddie opens his mouth to say something, reassure Richie that this will all be over soon, when suddenly Richie’s entire body arches back off the bed. One hand flies up to cover his mouth as the other grips Eddie’s forearm and then he’s muffling a long, deep moan.

Eddie watches, he can’t help it. For the first second he has no idea what’s happening but then it dawns on him. Richie squirms on the hospital bed beneath him as his orgasm overtakes him. It seems to last forever and Eddie takes the whole thing in: the way Richie’s brows furrow, the way his foot twitches, the way he pulls his bottom lip into his mouth as his hand falls away. As Richie comes down, Eddie can feel himself grow hot under the collar.

He thanks whatever God there is in this universe that Richie was at least quiet.

Richie doesn’t open his eyes. Instead, he slowly brings his hands up over them and lets out a groan. This one isn’t full of pent up pleasure, though. Eddie can hear the embarrassment in it.

“Are you okay?” He asks, removing his own hand from Richie’s shoulder crossing the room. He gets a cold glass of water for both himself and Richie. He needs something, anything, that will bring his temperature and he reckons Richie needs the same.

“Oh, other than the fact that I just creamed my pants in front of this incredibly hot doctor and that I have vibrator stuck in my ass that’s still going full speed? Yeah, I’m fine,” Richie says and even though the words are strained, Eddie is thankful to hear Richie’s lighthearted tone behind it all. It breaks some of the tension in the room and Eddie can release his own breath, slow his own rapidly beating heart.

“Don’t worry. We’re gonna get that second part squared away real quick. As for the first part? I can’t really help you there,” Eddie laughs, stepping back and heading for the door. “Maybe you can find comfort in the fact that I’ve seen a lot worse in this line of work.”

“So you thought my ‘O Face’ was bad?” Richie calls as Eddie grabs the curtain.

Eddie lets his hand linger on the curtain as he debates his answer. By the time Richie is back from his procedure, Eddie will be off the clock and probably already home. He’s got nothing to lose by being honest. “Quite the opposite, Richie.”

He hears Richie laugh as he exits the room. He calls the people who will be in charge of Richie’s procedure and gets it all squared away before beginning his final rounds for the night. When the clock hits 2am and his patients have been tended to, Eddie hands off to the next doctor and heads home.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Tell me,” comes out like a command, firm and steady and Richie’s eyes snap up again. He looks caught between shock and submission. 
> 
> “Well,” Richie’s hands run up Eddie’s stomach now, under his shirt and up. He tweaks his nipples. Eddie squirms as Richie’s face goes comically contemplative. “I think you already know what turns me on, Doctor.”
> 
> A mischievous smirk spreads over Eddie’s face as realization washes over him. Oh, he knows what Richie likes alright.

Nothing could have prepared Eddie for the way his day was going to go. No. Nothing in the world. He should have known better, though. Nothing in this world comes without consequences and thinking about his hot patient from several weeks ago nonstop definitely has consequences. Speak it into existence, his friends told him. Say it out loud, they said. 

So, he did. 

“I’ll see Richie Tozier again someday,” he said. 

He wasn’t really prepared for it to be so fucking soon. And he definitely wasn’t prepared for everything that followed. 

With a hot latte in hand, a familiar dinging noise rang out in his favorite coffee shop. Rain painted the big, Victorian style windows and a small chill ran through Eddie’s spine as a breeze snuck in through the open door. He pays it no mind as he swipes his card, exchanging small pleasantries with his usual barista. He distantly hears footsteps approach and feels the presence of someone standing behind him. Nothing registers in his brain, however, until he hears a low whistle. 

“Well, well, well,” a familiar voice sounds out, cutting off his barista in mid-sentence. Eddie doesn’t turn around, he doesn’t move. He knows that voice. He knows that tone. “Look who it is!”

When Eddie finally, slowly, turns around he’s faced with the one and only Richard Tozier in the flesh. Except this time, he’s not dressed in a hospital gown and sitting under fluorescent lighting that washes him out. He’s got a pair of slim jeans hugging his hips and thighs, ripped at one knee and long enough to drag on the ground over his shoes. Under his jacket he’s got a dark shirt on from a band Eddie’s never heard of and fucking hell. If Eddie thought he was hot in the hospital then he must be some otherworldly God right now.

“Cat got your tongue, doc?” Richie says, all easy smiles and crinkled eyes and Eddie realizes that he hasn’t said anything yet. He’s just staring dumbly at Richie and gripping his coffee so tight the cup might burst. 

He coughs once and then finishes slipping his card back in his wallet before dumbly saying, “Eddie. My name, I mean. It’s Eddie.”

Richie takes his hand and Eddie can’t fucking believe the way sparks fly down his fingers and into his wrist, down his forearm. 

“The pleasure is all mine,” Richie says and then he fucking brings Eddie’s hand up to his mouth and kisses it and if Eddie wasn’t short circuiting before he sure as hell is now. 

Instead of replying, Eddie gracelessly flounders. His mouth opens and closes several times as he pulls his hand back and just stares. The barista coughs and the bell over the door dings again. Eddie watches as a customer gets in line behind Richie. 

“I should probably go?” he says but it comes out like a question, voice unsure and raising at the end. Richie smiles and winks, stepping forward when Eddie steps aside and calmly and causally orders a soy, no foam caramel macchiato. Eddie scoffs and Richie laughs, tendering the transaction and turning back to Eddie with a raised eyebrow. “No foam? That’s the best fucking part.”

“Says you,” Richie replies as he grabs his drink and takes a sip. They stand there for a moment, eyes starting an unspoken and unknown challenge in the middle of their local coffee shop. Richie smiles again as the other patron steps around them and orders their own drink. His voice is low and smooth when he asks, “On your way in?”

“No,” Eddie says and his voice finally sounds comfortable, a sheen layer of confidence decorating it. “It’s my day off.”

“Ah, well, you must let me repay you for your heroic service,” Richie says, taking a small step closer to Eddie. “Without you, who knows if I’d even still be alive today. You saved my life, Dr. K.”

Now Eddie laughs, throwing his head back. He didn’t save Richie’s life. He pulled a vibrator out of his ass, but he sure as hell isn’t about to say that in public space. “What did you have in mind?” he asks instead, eyes still glittering with the hint of a challenge. 

“Come back to my place,” Richie suggests and Eddie chokes on his own latte. Its forward, yes. They both know what Richie is insinuating with that offer, eyes a shade darker and body leaning in closer to Eddie. He doesn’t expect anything else from Richie, honestly. He’s blunt, forward, and maybe even a little bit raunchy. Eddie remembers how he handled the hospital and even though he creamed his pants Eddie can’t see that holding him back. 

The thought of watching Richie cream his pants again has Eddie more than a little bit warm. 

He nods once and Richie grins, spinning around and marching out the door. Eddie scrambles to follow him, walking slightly behind him on the sidewalk. 

“So, Eds, tell me about yourself,” Richie says. 

“First, my name is Eddie, not Eds,” he bites back, causing another burst of laughter from Richie. “Second, you already know I’m a doctor. Why don’t you tell me about yourself?”

“You mean apart from my intimate recreational activities?” Richie says, throwing a look behind him and continuing on after a beat. “I’m a DJ. I spin for local clubs in the area. When I’m not doing that, I host a humor podcast. Maybe you’ve heard of it, maybe you haven’t. It’s called Trashmouth Talks.”

Eddie follows Richie and listens to him talk. He’s funny, that’s for sure. More than once on their walk he has Eddie laughing hard and loud. He can see this man hosting a podcast. Apparently, he talks music, has guests, and tells ridiculous stories on it. Eddie wonders if the hospital story made it on and he makes a note in his phone to listen. 

Eddie’s almost surprised by the amount of comfort he feels with Richie. Talking is easy. They fly through endless subjects as they walk and Eddie never finds himself worrying about what to say next. Things just flow. It’s nice to not spend so much time in his head, wondering what to do and say and how to act. Richie brings out a natural humor in him and they banter back and forth, smiling and elbowing each other. More than once, Eddie tells Richie to shut the fuck up and before they know it Richie is keying into his apartment and they’re both stepping through the threshold. 

“Home sweet home!” Richie cheers, shrugging off his jacket and shaking the wet off of it. Eddie toes his own shoes off and hands his jacket to Richie to hang up. 

“It’s nice,” Eddie says back and it is. It’s small and cozy, a kitchenette right by the front door and a living room off to the right. Eddie can see a small hallway with two doors, probably the bathroom and bedroom. There’s a dark red tapestry on one wall above a couch and a small flat screen television opposite of it. The TV stand is covered in books, DVDs, and lord knows what else and Eddie thinks it’s perfectly Richie. 

“It is,” Richie agrees, “it’s perfect for just me. No one to tell me where to put my stuff or when to clean my dishes.”

Despite that comment, the kitchen seems immaculate. Eddie watches as Richie steps inside and turns around. The air around them stills momentarily. Something flickers under Eddie’s skin as he looks at Richie. He looks like a person now, all black hair and blue eyes and smooth tongue. Nothing like how he looked when they first met. They met under less than ideal circumstances and now they’re standing in Richie’s apartment, broad daylight outside, to hook up. He has no idea what’s even come over him. He never does anything like this but the thought of his hands on Richie’s skin has him lighting ablaze. 

Eddie sucks in one, brave breath and steps into Richie’s space. He places his hands on his shoulders and says, “So, how about that repayment?”

Richie chuckles and leans in, closing the space between them. Before he kisses Eddie though, he pauses and says, “Wow, Dr. K. Didn’t see you being so direct.” 

The thing is, Eddie  _ isn’t _ normally this direct. He’s normally the pursued, not the pursuer, but something about Richie makes him want to take action. Take charge. Take control. He has no idea where it came from but he wants it. He can feel it in the pit of his stomach, pulling and tugging and dragging him closer and closer to the brink. 

Then they’re kissing. Richie’s lips press against Eddie’s and sparks fly, worlds shatter, and Eddie wonders how he’s ever going to be able to kiss anyone else ever again. The slide of Richie’s lips against his own, the feel of Richie’s tongue in his mouth, it was so much. He found himself gripping the shirt for dear life, grounding himself in the kitchenette of a stranger’s apartment. 

Richie slowly stepped backward, leading Eddie with him and guiding him down the hall. Eddie following, greedily kissing Richie as he went. When Richie detached his mouth from Eddie’s to trail down his neck, hands slipping under Eddie’s shirt. Eddie thought he might die. This was nothing compared to what was coming, he knew that, but each new sensation set his skin on fire. 

“Richie,” Eddie said, voice the ghost of a moan as they entered Richie’s bedroom. Richie hummed in acknowledgement, not letting up his attack on Eddie’s neck. Images of Richie beneath him, panting and sweating and crying out for more flashed behind his eyes. “I want you.”

Eddie’s not sure where it came from. He’s not a forward guy, he’s hardly even vocal in bed, but something about Richie is drawing it out of the cracks in his features. He wants Richie and he’s not scared of Richie knowing. In fact, he  _ wants  _ Richie to know. He wants Richie to want him, too. 

Richie sinks his fingertips into Eddie’s waist and lets out a guttural moan. “Fuck yeah, baby. You can have me. You can do whatever you want to me.”

Eddie all but shoves Richie off of him and watches as the taller man stumbles backwards. There’s heat in both of their eyes as they stand there, waiting for the other to move. Something shifts inside of Eddie, something that’s been simmering beneath the surface since they met. It was just waiting to burst out, waiting to crack through and take over, consume Eddie whole. “Take your shirt off.”

The second Richie’s shirt is off, Eddie’s hands are on his chest and he’s pushing him backwards and onto the bed. He feels power coursing through his veins at the way Richie willingly falls back. Richie is his for the taking, offering himself up on a silver platter for Eddie to ravage.

Eddie looks down at Richie splayed across his bed. It’s a familiar sight, but this one is way more satisfying. Before, Eddie couldn’t touch. Hell, he could hardly look. Now, though. Now Eddie can do anything. The first thing he does is crawl over top Richie’s thin form. Richie doesn’t move, he hardly breathes as Eddie hovers over him. Those eyes pierce up into Eddie’s own and it lights a fire inside of him. 

There’s something carnal in the air and Eddie can’t wait to give in to it. 

Once Eddie is over Richie’s lap, he sits. He takes one, gentle hand and runs it down Richie’s bare chest, feeling the bumps of his barely-there muscles as he travels down his chest, fingers carding through Richie’s happy trail once they’re low enough. 

“God, the things I want you to do to me,” Richie says. His voice is a ghost of a whisper and Eddie isn’t sure if he was meant to hear it, but he does. 

“Tell me,” comes out like a command, firm and steady and Richie’s eyes snap up again. He looks caught between shock and submission. 

“Well,” Richie’s hands run up Eddie’s stomach now, under his shirt and up. He tweaks his nipples. Eddie squirms as Richie’s face goes comically contemplative. “I think you already know what turns me on,  _ Doctor.” _

A mischievous smirk spreads over Eddie’s face as realization washes over him. Oh, he knows what Richie likes alright. 

Eddie knocks Richie’s hands away and climbs off of him and the bed. “Where do you keep them?”

Richie motions to the dresser on the other side of the room. “Bottom drawer, all the way back. Just the way I like it, baby.”

Eddie laughs and pulls the drawer open, digging through it. He shouldn’t be surprised at the amount of sex toys he finds in there, but he is. Different shapes, sizes, the whole nine years. He’s got handcuffs and cock rings and even a plug or two rolling around. Eddie opts for a blue one, not too big, but not too small either. It vibrates, but it’s got a wire attached to a small remote. 

Better safe than sorry. 

He also grabs a bottle of lube before returning to his position on top of Richie. He abandons the toys on the bed as he leans over and captures Richie in another kiss. It isn’t hard to get into it. Eddie finds himself increasingly in control as he licks into Richie’s mouth. It feels good, both the kiss and the power he seems to have. Richie’s pliant underneath him and Eddie can feel the way he’s responding where their bodies connect. He knows he could say almost anything and Richie would melt deeper into the mattress, but he also knows that he can trust Richie to tell him if he’s uncomfortable. 

Richie’s hands fall to Eddie’s thighs and he runs his hands over the denim, squeezing his hips as they both start to gently rock together. Eddie relishes in the way Richie softly moans into his mouth. He can almost taste the desire rolling off of Richie in waves. 

It’s easy to get lost in little, faint pleasures. Nothing is too big that it’s desperate, but it’s definitely there. Eddie could get lost in the slight press of Richie against his ass, the way their tongues move together, the way Richie can’t keep his hands off of Eddie. Eddie feels as Richie runs his hands up the skin of his back, slowly bunching his shirt under his armpits in a silent request to remove it. Eddie kisses him once, twice, before breaking away and pulling it up and over his head. 

“I hope you passed your CPR classes, Doc, because you’re taking my breath away,” Richie says as Eddie tosses the article off. Eddie can’t help the laugh that bubbles out of him, spurring Richie’s motormouth, “I think I need mouth to ass resuscitation.”

Eddie throws his head back, his entire body shaking with the force of his laughter. “Mouth to ass, huh? You really have no idea how the body works, do you?”

“Oh, I know enough about the body, trust me,” Richie says as he ghosts his hands down Eddie’s chest and to the front of his jeans. He gives a soft squeeze and Eddie’s hips buck forward slightly. “Take these off, will ya?”

Eddie’s quick to climb off Richie again, standing in the center of the room by the bed as his fingers work at the button of his jeans. 

“Wait, wait, pause,” Richie says and Eddie does, peering over at Richie and wondering why the sudden change. Did he do something wrong? Did Richie suddenly change his mind, decide he didn’t like how Eddie looked without his shirt? Any worries he has are squashed as Richie continues talking, voice now a soft whisper in the quiet room. “Look at you, jeans and no shirt. Like a fucking wet dream, you’re so god damn beautiful.”

Eddie doesn’t have to see the red splotches forming on his chest and neck to know he’s blushing. He quickly diverts his eyes from Richie’s sky blue and continues to work at his jeans. “Slow, baby,” Richie mumbles and Eddie listens, slowly swaying his hips as he shimmies out of his jeans. He leaves his boxers on for the moment, stepping out of the denim and kneeling on the bed in front of Richie. Richie’s one of hands dart out and run up his thigh, fingers brushing through the dark, coarse hair there. He slows at the juncture of Eddie’s hips and scratches his way back down. “I can’t wait to see what you do with me.”

“It sure as hell won’t involve my mouth on your ass, I can tell you that,” Eddie says and Richie barks out a laugh. He throws his head back and Eddie wastes no time in diving in, connecting his teeth with the sensitive skin on Richie’s neck. He bites harshly, relishing in the wounded noise Richie makes above him, and then soothes the skin over with his tongue. Richie’s entire body starts to relax and Eddie presses him back down into the mattress, crawling over him and continuing his attack on the tender skin. 

By the time he pulls back, there are two dark purple bruises forming. One sits below Richie’s ear and the other closer to his collarbone. Whatever Eddie did works because unlike before, Richie is laying back on the bed, mouth parted slightly and eyes glazed over. It’s hot and Eddie can feel himself strain against his boxers. 

He realizes that nothing will shut Richie up because the man utters, “God, Dr. K., look at that ailment you’ve got in your pants. Won’t you let me treat it for you?” 

“Not yet,” Eddie replies, fingers curling in the waistband of Richie’s own jeans. Richie gets the memo and unbuttons them, lifting his hips so Eddie can drag all subsequent clothes off of Richie’s lower body, socks included. Once everything is discarded, he admires his view. Richie’s got a faint farmers tan on his arms and neck, the skin of his chest and hips far paler. It’s porcelain and Eddie can see the stark contrast from his own tan skin as he reaches out and runs one hand down Richie’s stomach. Richie melts further into the mattress at the touch, legs falling open and cock bouncing slightly against his lower stomach. “First, I want to run some tests.”

Richie grins as Eddie grabs the lube from the bed and gives his fingers a generous coating. Once he’s satisfied, he takes Richie in his dry hand and gives it one pump. Even without lube, Richie keens at the sensation. While Richie is distracted, Eddie brings his other hand down and presses one wet finger to Richie’s entrance. This causes him to jump and buck his hips, a small whine falling from his open lips. 

Eddie teases him for a moment, sliding his finger up and down and circling until Richie’s whines become louder and longer. He doesn’t tease for long, though, his own impatience wearing him down as he presses in slowly. The hand on Richie’s dick comes to a stop as he slowly presses in to the last knuckle, watching for any signs of discomfort. Richie shows none. Instead, he opens his eyes and looks up at Eddie with an expression that is somehow desperate and challenging at the same time. 

“Who knew prostate exams could be so hot?” he asks as Eddie starts to slowly move in and out. 

“Maybe you’ve just been going to the wrong doctor,” Eddie replies and crooks his finger slightly. He finds what he’s looking for almost instantly and Richie cries out, any smart reply he had dying on his lips. Eddie smirks, now, keeping up with his motions and adding a second finger into the mix. 

Richie takes it so well and Eddie tells him as much, massaging his prostate and slowly reaching for the blue vibrator. He manages to get it coated in lube with only one hand without Richie noticing. He shifts onto his knees, crawling over Richie’s body as he slowly removes his fingers. Richie’s eyes snap open immediately and he opens his mouth to protest but Eddie is quick to silence him with a kiss. He hushes him and whispers into his mouth, “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”

With that, he reaches down and grabs the toy, lines it up, and presses in. He watches up close as Richie’s face twists into something mixed with pleasure and pain. The toy is definitely bigger than his fingers and Eddie stops almost immediately, cautioning Richie’s expression. 

“No, no, no,” comes out in a high-pitched babble as Richie almost violently shakes his head, “please don’t stop, feels so good.” 

Eddie waits a second before pressing in further, until the toy is seated entirely inside of Richie. He presses kisses to Richie’s cheeks, his eyes, and his lips as he continues to crawl up and over. Once he’s seated above Richie, he pulls him back into his lap. Richie goes willingly, shifting himself back and whimpering as each movement shifts the toy inside of him. He settles with his shoulders resting on Eddie’s stomach and his hair ticking the skin of Eddie’s chest. 

Once they’re comfortable, Eddie soothes his hands down Richie’s chest and toward his leaking cock. His hand brushes over Richie gently, teasing the vein underneath as he slowly inches down. His palm gently cups Richie’s balls once, eliciting a short moan, and then continue down, reaching for the remote attached to the bright blue vibrator. 

He makes several seconds of steady eye contact with Richie before turning it on. 

The effect is instant. Richie’s entire body goes taut and his head presses back into Eddie’s stomach. Eddie watches as Richie’s dick jumps against his stomach, small beads of precum leaking out. 

“F-fuck,” Richie drawls, one hand gripping the mattress and the other flying down to stroke himself once it was clear Eddie wasn’t going to. 

“Nope,” Eddie intercepts him quickly, grabbing his wrist and guiding his arm up to rest around Eddie’s neck. He grabs Richie’s other arm, doing the same. “Keep them there. No touching.”

That submissive look returns to Richie’s eyes and he nods, biting his lower lip and rolling his hips. “God, Eds, who knew you were such a dom in bed? I never would have guessed it.”

“Funny, I knew you were a sub the second you came all over yourself,” Eddie quips back and Richie laughs through his soft moans. 

“Kitten’s got a bite,” he says and Eddie cranks up the speed of the vibrator, watching as Richie’s mouth falls open again and his body shakes slightly. 

“Kitten’s got more than just a bite.”

Eddie presses a button, switching the vibrator from a steady buzz to a pulse. Richie shouts below him, eyes screwing shut and hips jerking up. Eddie distantly thinks that he reminds him of a fish: arms above his head and body constantly moving. A sexy fish, though. A fish he wants to fuck into the mattress until both of them are screaming. 

This metaphor is getting weird. 

Richie’s hips shift again and he practically screams, holding his body in the same position. “Fuck, yes, right there. God, yes,” he chants, cock bouncing freely between them. Eddie resists the urge to grab it and jerk Richie off, not wanting their fun to be over just yet. 

He slows down the speed and Richie lets out a frustrated whine, collapsing back down onto Eddie and looking up at him. “You’re driving me crazy, doc.”

“That’s the goal,” Eddie smiles. 

Without warning, Richie detaches his arms from around Eddie’s neck and flips himself over. He doesn’t give Eddie a change to reprimand him, quickly reaching into Eddie’s boxers and pulling his hard length out. He gives it one swift pump that has Eddie seeing stars before begging, “I can’t wait anymore. I can feel you pressing into me. Let me blow you,  _ please _ .”

Eddie doesn’t reply, he just nods. As much as he wanted to keep Richie in his lap and torture him until he begged, this was much better. He almost couldn’t stand the how hard he was. Watching Richie squirm beneath him, knowing that it was all his doing, was almost too much for Eddie. 

Richie quickly takes the head of Eddie’s cock into his mouth, hollowing his cheeks and swilling his tongue around. The hand that doesn’t have the remote instantly flies to Richie’s head, finding purchase in the black locks. Richie moans around him as he takes him further into his mouth, tongue working furiously at the tender flesh.

Eddie can’t help the way he moans or the way his fingers grip Richie’s hair, or the way his hands tighten on the remote, cranking the speed until it hits his max. Richie practically screams around Eddie’s cock, reflexively shifting down and taking all of Eddie into his mouth. God, it’s so good. Eddie can feel his orgasm slowly starting to form, peeking out from the corner just to say,  _ hey, I’m coming, if you keep this shit up I’m going to be here before you know it _ . 

Richie pulls off of him with a wet pop, saliva dripping from his lips and his eyes rolling into the back of his head. “Eds, if you don’t fuck me right now I’m going to explode,” he begs, voice dripping in desperation as he chants broken  _ please’s  _ and licks up the bottom of Eddie’s cock. 

Eddie grabs his hair and pulls him up into a messy kiss. “Stay on your knees,” he instructs, letting Richie settle before crawling off of the bed and settling himself behind Richie. He takes a moment to admire the view. Richie’s legs are spread open, displaying his pink hole stretched out around the end of the vibrator. It’s still going strong, Eddie can hear it. He looks at the arch of Richie’s back and the way his head hangs between his arms. Richie’s hands are gripping the sheets as he waits for Eddie to do something, anything.

Slowly, Eddie reaches up and pulls the toy out of him. He quickly inserts 3 fingers, making sure Richie is nice and stretched before grabbing the condom and lube off the bed. He rolls it on and lubes it up. 

“Are you ready?” He asks, one hand settled on Richie’s lower back and the stroking his own cock.

“Hell, yeah,” Richie says, looking over his shoulder as Eddie pushes in. “Sex me back to the ER, baby.”

Eddie shakes his head and presses in. He goes slowly, bottoming out and getting lost in the tight heat. He pauses for a second, giving Richie a chance to adjust but Richie is suddenly pushing back against Eddie, setting his own pace. “God, you’re big. Stretching me real good, Eds.”

“Yeah?” Eddie says, gripping Richie’s ass and meeting his trusts, setting a steady pace. 

“Yeah,” Richie echoes, letting his head fall between his shoulders again. Eddie picks up the pace, shifting his angle and watching as Richie’s back tenses as he pegs that sweet spot again and again. 

“Fuck, yes. Give it to me, doc. Let me have it real good,” Richie says and Eddie loses it. He presses his hand between Richie’s shoulder blades and shoves him into the mattress before setting a relentless speed. Eddie can he the muffled  _ uh, uh, uhs  _ as he slams into Richie. He can feel his orgasm creeping back up and this time he chases it, reaching underneath Richie to pump him in time with his own thrusts. 

Richie cums first, thick white stripes painting the sheets beneath him as he cries out. Eddie feels him clench down, making it impossibly tighter, impossibly hotter. He follows not long after, spilling into the condom with a groan. 

They stay like that for a moment, Richie face down in the bed and Eddie draped over him. They catch their breaths and settle before Eddie pulls out and ties the condom off. The feel in the room isn’t as awkward as Eddie thought it’d be as he walks over to the trash, discards the condom, and shucks his pants back on. “So, uh.”

“That was amazing,” Richie answers, not missing a beat in the way Eddie trails off. He rolls over onto his back and looks Eddie up and down. “I hope this won’t be the last time you plow me into the dirt.”

Eddie chuckles and shrugs, “It doesn’t have to be.”

Richie doesn’t say anything back. He simply smiles and gestures for Eddie to come back to bed and join him in some post coital snuggles. 

Eddie does. 

Years later, their friends still force them to tell the story of how they met.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I! AM! SO! SORRY! THIS! TOOK! SO! LONG!
> 
> This is what I get for not writing the whole fucking thing at once like I meant to. Thank you so much for sticking with me. I'm glad this is all finished up and Richie got the dicking he deserved. 
> 
> Huge shout out to tinyarmedtrex who beta'd this for me and helped me take out all of the awkward parts. She just dropped a reddie Pretty Women Au and man... it's amazing. Go read it. 
> 
> Also come talk to me @ reddie-for-anything.tumblr.com !

**Author's Note:**

> This is a shameless AU that I'm writing that, once again, started as a joke. This will be posted in 2 installments, so don't fret, there's more. 
> 
> Have you ever seen that live tweeting that guy did of getting a vibrator stuck up his ass? This is 100% based on that. I don't know how to link stuff in the notes so google it b/c it's hilarious. Imagine Richie tweeting that. 
> 
> This is also an apology letter to everyone who read Get Busy Living. 
> 
> Beta read by the lovely tinyarmedtrex and oldguybones! Both are extremely talented writers and extraordinary people. Tinyarmedtrex just dropped I Just Want Back In Your Head, a heartbreakingly phenomenal chaptered AU that I'm dying over. Please go read it. Also keep an eye on oldguybones. She may or may not be dropping something soon....
> 
> Anyway. I love them. Drop a comment to let me know what you think of this entirely self-indulgent shit show AU. I love it. I hope you do, too. 
> 
> Come chat with me @ reddie-for-anything.tumblr.com !


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